When you “market,” you are approaching dating as though it is about persuading rather than connecting. If you don’t connect, you are storing up a world of trouble down the road. You may persuade someone to be with you, and then, even if your “product” (the experience of being your girlfriend, boyfriend, wife or husband) delivers, you never really get to relax. You have projected a persona, and the other person is relating to that persona as the real you. We want to be loved for all the parts of us, not only the best ones. By definition, we are looking for full acceptance in our love relationships. Not getting to be the real you is one of the precursors to midlife crises and divorce. Schemes and marketing may get you what you think you want, but your heart is likely to remain unsatisfied.
By contrast, if you approach dating as if the game is to connect rather than persuade and influence, without attachment to an outcome, with a certain amount of trust that life will bring a person that fits, you end up with a relationship that is based on what actually works for you. You can relax, knowing you are fully accepted for who you really are, and you can offer the same. Relationships not based on acceptance, simply fail.
Of course you want to put your best foot forward, and you want to get a foot in the door to show your real self. But if you focus on externals, you will easily miss what matters – that relationships come from the heart.
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